Lievell

Sunday, October 24, 2010

9:59 PM

This feeling...

This feeling...
These what I face for the last few years.
I'm so sad...I'm so angry...I'm so shy...

My big decision as a full time mom after delivered Fritz brings me to face this reality.

As a mom, I want to take care my beloved child by my own hands. I want to be the first one who know his development. I want to be with him in every single path he faces. I want to be the first person that he's looking for. I want to everything for him. Am I sounding protective one??

As the consequences of these, I have to release what I did before. First, of course, my job. Then, my career as teacher. And, absolutely, it's influence a lot on our financial.

I dare to take this risk cause I don't want my boy to be with others, especially nannies or maids. I'm the one who carried him for 9 months in my womb. I'm the one who delivered him fighting with my fear. Why should I give him to others to take care of him???

Since he was born, so many lucky things happen in my life. The most of all, I don't have to buy tin milk for him, I depend on my breast milk till now as it's so expensive for each tin. And thanks to God, HE is so kind to let my breast gives milk for him. For me breast milk is the best one, for him and also for our financial.

I really can't believe on nannies and maids as many bad records of their works. Hitting, pinching, slapping, kidnapping, not taking care neatly, carefully, nicely, patiently, and so on...how can I believe on them?

For me a child is the most special one that God gives to parents that they HAVE to take care, educate and responsible of him. Am I wrong??

The one that I'm so sad, angry and shy is money. Honestly, we really can't afford much money for ours. This one is the result of my decision. We lack of money. We can't afford to buy things we need.

I'm so sad when I see my boy wants to have something as others have but I don't have any in my hands. I'm so sad when I see toys, clothes, books, food that actually I can buy for him if I produce money but I can't make it for him.

Like today, when I saw him bring Cars Lego in one store in one high class mall here and there, I was so sad. Why do it cost so high?? I can't afford to buy it!! The discount that the store gave also didn't make me could buy it for him. I really wanna cry when I saw him hold the toys and said with loud voice "Cars...cars...cars..." and asked me to see what he hold!

I'm so angry to my destiny. Why....why...why???

Without money means we couldn't buy the gadgets, have fun with fellas or do something fun for ourselves. Believe it or not, most of our friends are going away...really away from us. We can't catch up the information between us and them.It's just like living in the jungle where there's no link to the outside.

The booming gadget is smart phones. Most of our friends are using it and they can do chit chat or send message between them through it. They have their own group in it. We as the one who don't have it, we don't know any info from them. When we see each other, we are such a latest person who know that the world is round.

One time, they arranged an occasion. They wanted to gather in one mall. They made an appointment through smart phones and they didn't tell us the info. We just knew when it had done already from one of our friends when I had chatted with her.

So many things that we didn't know bout our friends' things. And it made me so angry and upset too. Isn't it bad? Isn't the technology killing the people who can't afford for those??

And why do I so embarrassing?
Who's not?
When we go to the high class mall, mostly they wore the cool things on them. Gadgets, bags, cars, clothes...very expensive!
How bout we?
Just wear that we can wear..just eat that we can eat...not buy anything, just walk to get the atmosphere...

Those are the reality I have to face when I go out from my den. When I saw the big world, I felt so small. I felt I don't have anything. And yes, I don't have it!

We're talking bout the material, the things, the city that people are so consumptive.

They try to have the great gadgets on them. {Mostly they do the 0% for 12 months debt}

They wear the expensive tag price. {Some of them paid it with the credit cards and they just paid the minimum taxes}

They drive the luxurious cars. {Maybe it's just their officially car from their companies}

They eat in the savory restaurant. {facilitates from credit card promo ones}

They go the high class mall. {most the rich people do as they don't have to do at home}

All the things are just for show off to show that they are able to have it. Or they have to work so hard to get all of those, 5 days in a week from dawn {if they're not getting late because of traffic jam} to lately night {to avoid from traffic jam}. So no wonder if they do all those things...

This city is making its people to work hard for lifestyle. The price is so competitive. The mall is so many. And the people are busy to catch up those.

It's really sounding so pessimistic of me. Yes, I felt like that when I have to face the worldly things. It seems like I'm the one who out from the systems in this city. I'm not cool anymore. I don't have the newest gadgets. I can't afford those. I'm not so chic anymore. I don't know the new trend in fashion. I couldn't eat in the tasty restaurant cause I prefer not to waste the money on it. I'm not so interactive anymore cause I'd never socialized with others. I'm not "me" anymore for the last 2 years...

That's thought when I felt so down.

I'm trying to change my mindset of life. I'm happy for the gifts I have. I don't need to shy or embarrass when I go to the mall, cause everyone has their own right to wear what they like. If I can't buy the things for Fritz, I believe I don't need to buy the expensive ones. I can make it or maybe I can get in the market with lower price from the mall. I don't need to waste my money on restaurant as it has lots of fats. I can make my own food which is cheaper, clean and healthy for our future investment. If we die, we're not bringing all the things we have in this world.

Without those things, we're not dying. We're just trying to live as HE wants to. Just surrender to HIM and lets HIM do the rest. Always keep in faith that the life is like a wheel. One day, I believe, the wheel of us is going up. Praying and doing the best things.

Man is coming from dust and he becomes dust when he's dying....so why should we wear the expensive dress????

Saturday, October 23, 2010

10:02 PM

Toddler : 18 month 3 week

Toddler : 18 month 3 week
Math: Coloring #5
We started the week by coloring the #5 worksheet that he had refused last week. Today, I asked him to choose the color pencil by his own. He preferred the brown one.

Practical Life

*Matching the lid*
We continued the day by matching the lid of few assorted boxes. I prepared 3 kinds of different shape of boxes and I showed him how to match the lid into the right ones. As this was the first time for him, he still couldn't do it well. He still needs help in doing this.

*Spread the peanut butter*
Thursday's breakfast was bread with peanut butter. It's time to spread the butter by himself. And he really likes it so much when I ask him. He wanted to do it by himself {but I was still help him} ^^

Learning Toys
*Piggy Bank*
Piggy Bank is still a big HIT for Fritz. He loves to put the coins inside there. And he still modifies it. He turned it upside down to open the lock on the bottom. Though he unsuccessfully opened by himself {I helped him ^^}, he was still curious to do it by him. Then he put in and took out the coins from there.

*Horse Toys*
Recently, he likes the boyish games. Riding a horse was one of them. Actually, he pretends that he is riding a motor like his Pop and Uncle do. Love him very much! He grows very fast.....^^

*Matching Mickey's cards*
Believe it or not! I have these cards since I was still in lower Primary school. Unbelievable!

As Fritz is fever with Mickey, I give it as a heritage....^^

I have an idea. I ask Fritz to match the same pictures in the cards. He still couldn't do it. We have to guide him which pictures have the same.

Miscellaneous
*Sunday morning style*
One Sunday morning, a few minutes after he woke up, he did some stylish style. He posed as he was an adult already. Really look so cute!

*Hitting the ant*
Recently, he is so excited when seeing ant passed him by. He always tries to hit it with his little pointer. Unluckily, the ant is too fast..His little finger can't catch the ant's movement. So, I'm the one who hit the ant at last.....-_-"

*Playing with shadow*

When he saw his shadow in the wall, suddenly he stopped playing and looked at his in the wall. And this was holding his ear to see what his shadow did...^^

*Phoning at bathroom*
For the last two days, he always brings the phone toy to the bath room. Like usual, he always refuses when I ask him for bathing, in the morning as well as afternoon.

He plays pretending, calling someone in the bath room. Such a creative kid! *0*

*Mirroring*
He loves seeing himself at the mirror.

He ever brought his chair and sat down in front of the mirror. He did the mirroring and miming. Like he did last few days! When I passed the kitchen (where the mirror is), I saw him standing in front of the mirror and made some style.

Sometimes he looks like talking at himself or just posed or sometimes he just passed and looked at himself without doing anything...What a growing up boy! ^^

*Eating nuts in da morning*
Thursday morning, after he woke up for a moment, he saw a topless of nuts. Then he asked me to get it for him. And tadaaaaa...he ate the nuts in the morning!

Fun : Visiting Great grandma

Friday morning, Opa asked us to join with him visiting his Mom at Kemayoran. And we've not been there for few couples months.

When we arrived, I asked Fritz to shake the great grandma first. Thankfully, he showed his politeness. {FYI, he's moody one when we went to someone place!}

He didn't show any cranky there. He enjoyed the home's atmosphere. He walked here and there. He played with his cars along. He also followed the Grams when someone ringing the bell to buy something. {They managed their home as grocery shop too}

Unluckily, he didn't show his appetite there. He just ate a little bit.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

12:31 AM

Toddler : 18 months 2 week

Toddler : 18 months 2 week

ABC's : Coloring Ff
I gave Fritz Ff's worksheet to be colored and also a flashcard of Ff. He can see him on his flashcard coz I put his picture there. Though he didn't really into in coloring, he was still enthusiast in looking the flashcard.

Flash Card: ABC
We sat in the floor and played with the flash cards. As I know he loves the pictures, so I gave him the Alphabet one.

I mentioned the pictures to him and asked him to point the right pictures after that. He could do for several pictures as usual. It just took not more than 10 minutes then he bored already...

I have to make some more flash cards again after this, contains matching pictures. Next project!

Practical Life
*Sorting the Buttons*
We continued the day by sorting the buttons. I gave him 2 boxes of buttons contains black and purple buttons and an ice cube tray. I asked him to put the buttons on it. Firstly, he wanted to do it then he refused it few minutes later.

After a while, I put a purple and a black button in each box and let him to sort it according to the colors. I gave him a button and let him putting into the right box. He knew that he was wrong, but sometimes he did it purposely with a smile on his lips and naughty eyes looking at me.

*Pouring water using funnel*
Since Thursday, I taught him how to pour the water using funnel. He did it well today! Though some time he missed it...^^

Learning Toys
*ABC's Flash Cards*
When I finished cutting the alphabet cards, I showed those to Fritz. He LOVES it, especially the pictures. I let him exploring the cards by himself and helped him with my simple explanation. Mostly, he knows the pictures.

He showed this style when he saw rabbit picture in R. Look so funny!
*Pushing into the holes*
I've got this idea from someone's blog that I totally couldn't remember. I found a used box of biscuit and I punched some holes using screwdriver through it on Sunday morning.

Firstly, I put some pasta in the holes and let Fritz to push those inside. Yup! It's a big hit for him coz it's the newest things for him.

I gave Fritz some chopsticks and straws too and let him put those into the holes. The fact was, he just loved to get it out the sticks from the holes. So I was quite busy to put the sticks through the holes. ^^

*O Puzzle*
Fritz asked me to open the drawer. He wanted to play with O Puzzle. Unbelievable, he can match the pictures correctly. I gave him 3 puzzles each row and he made it by himself. He really made it all, 15 cards...Great job, boy!

*Play Dough*
Since beginning I had introduce dough to Fritz, he wasn't really into it. He wants to play but he's not really so enthusiast. I try to give him again this toy to him. Like usual, I gave a tray and plastic knife. He likes the knife than the dough instead ^^

*Musical Piano*
After he bored with the flash cards, I put him in his chair for eating breakfast. I put this toy on his table. This toy has been with him since he was still under 1 year old. I couldn't remember well how months he was at that time. And it's his first toy that we bought with our own money...*so sad*

However, he really LOVES this one. Before he couldn't press it with his fingers, now, he can do it!!

*Pushing into the holes (again!!)*
Again in this week, he plays with the box and the sticks. He likes playing with this!

Gross Motor Skills : Going up the ladderIt's been few months I didn't maintain his Gross Motor, so today we went up the ladder. He was really so enthusiast. He did it more than once. He climbed up without any help but he needed help when he went down. He can went up very fast from one ladder to others till the second floor. He was really happy doing this.

Books : Spot's First Walk
Two days in a row, we read this book together before sleeping time. It's about Spot who has his first walk. It's a flap book and he loves it though some of them had taken away by his little idle hands.

When I read this for him, he really listened the story. So when I gave the book to him, he can open the flap by himself and did some gesture related to the pictures he has seen.

Movies: Barney - In the School

Barney again in the afternoon!

We watched The School one. It's really nice. It's about what we do in the school. Baby Bop wants to go to school but she is still young. So Barney makes an imagination school for Baby Bop. They sing song, Itsy Bitsy Spider and Where is Thumbkin? Fritz loves this song, he giggled when hearing this song. Then, they learn Alphabet, do color experiment by mixing the primary color and so on. But Fritz really can't sit down still till the end of the story. He was quite busy seeing his Cars Magazine. ^^

Miscellaneous
*Crossing Feet*
Saturday noon, when I was busy cutting the flash card in the bed, suddenly Fritz crossed his feet into this. This was the first time he did it and he looked like the first learner. He tried to cross one of his foot to another slowly and carefully. Look so adorable!

*Riding Motor*
Recently, he LOVES the boy's things. Riding a motor is one of it. He loves to sit on his uncle's motor one day in the afternoon. He refused to get down. It really took almost half an hour staying there.

I explained some parts of the motor to him. Such as the starter button, the horn button, the sign button, the lamp button, the speedometer, the fuel indicator and the rearview mirror.

I had to make a promise to let him down by saying we would go with Pop using his motor after he went home later. And he was getting down when Pop has just arrived home.
After Pop had his lunch and the time was 2.30 PM, Fritz hold his Pop's hand and asked to go out with motor. *gosh!!!*

Cause it was too hot, we decided to let Pop had his nap first. Then we went around at 4.30 PM. What a boy!! He looked so cute with a hat jacket on his face...xixixixixixi.....*With Poppa*
Sticking with Poppa in the bed after taking a bath...and reading a magazine together...^^

*With Opa*
Sitting side by side together with Opa in Uncle's room...^^

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

1:15 AM

recipe blog of mine

recipe blog of mine
I made a new blog about my simple recipes. I just wanna put some notes in one blog about my cook.

Sometimes I couldn't remember well the ingredients and how to cook the food that I had made before. So I have to look around again from one recipe book to my compile recipes on my compy. It really takes time.

I hope with this blog I have a simple note about the food I had made before and make me easier to find it.

Just cekidot: Lie-cious.blogspot.com (using Bahasa)

Friday, October 8, 2010

11:40 PM

Toddler : 18 month 1 week

Toddler : 18 month 1 week

ABC's : Coloring Ee
We started the week by coloring the Ee. As he is really into in color pencil, he didn't refuse at all when I asked him to do it. He choose the brown one. I love the way he grasp the pencil...

Math : Coloring #4
Fritz was happy playing with his uncle for last two days. Thursday morning, together with his uncle, he colored the number 4 worksheet with color pencils while I was printing some things. Luckily, I still could capture this moment.

Shape : Triangle
After long time we didn't do the shape worksheet, this week we started again with Triangle shape. I cut some triangle shapes from origami paper and asked Fritz to paste it by applying glue on it. He liked it much. He learned to paste it by himself.

Practical Life
*Spooning the beans*
For few past days, he really loves to play spooning the red beans. He takes it by himself from the shelf. He transfers the beans from one plastic bowl to others using the spoon. Sometimes, he puts those inside the jar, still using spoon. Then, one time, I saw him peeling the bean's skin using his nails. ~_~

*Transferring Macaroni*
As the red beans were rotten, I changed with the macaroni. I put those in the usual bowls and asked him to transfer from one bowl to other bowl. He refused! He asked me to get the used jam jar and he transfer the macaroni inside it. -_-'

Learning Toys
*Ring Sorter*
Every time I ask Fritz playing with it, he always refuses to put the rings. He really doesn't like it at all since beginning I showed it to him.

Today, I try again. I give this sorter to him. And look what he did with the sticks. He used it as an umbrella!

He did putting the rings for once and unfortunately I couldn't get my camera!

*Numbers Puzzle*
Thursday afternoon, Fritz played the numbers puzzle with his beloved Poppa at home. I was teaching at that moment, so I didn't much now how he played this one with his Pop..

*Mega Blocks*
I really hope that Fritz is able to play these blocks one day. For now, he just wants to play with the characters only. He still refuses to stack the blocks. He prefers to take off the stacking blocks and put it into the box.

In this picture, he was playing with Oma and Uncle during my teaching time.

*Stickers*
Friday morning, I asked my bro to deliver us to the nearby market to buy our breakfast. Then, I saw a sticker seller and decided to buy some. I had 6 stickers for only 10,000 rupiah. It's really so cheap, rite??
At home, I showed it to Fritz and he really LOVES it. Why? I bought 3 stickers of CARS, a sticker of FISH, a sticker of NUMBERS & ALPHABET and a sticker of THOMAS TRAIN. The most favorite,of course, is the Cars. Recently, he really loves Cars.

He's getting bigger and also with his fave things. Before he was really into with Mickey and friends. Now, he likes Cars and Train (Thomas or Chuggington).

I also put some numbers in his table. Hopefully he can learn numbers later.

Movie : Barney Outer Space
He really really loves watching movies. Barney is one of his favorite CD he chooses. He likes when Barney sings songs. Unluckily, the Barney's series we have are the compile ones, so sometimes the pictures couldn't play well. ~_~

Miscellaneous

*Mirroring & Mimic-ing*
One day in a mall, I saw him mirroring himself when we were in one boutiques. We're too busy choosing the dress and he was really busy seeing himself in the mirror. He played with his tongue and did miming. Fortunately I could take some pictures from there.

*Folding Hands*
Still in the mall. We had a lunch and he sat down in the baby chair. He suddenly followed what my Mom did, folding hands. He is really a truly copycat. ^^

*Drink Jamu*
Some people are unbelieving when I tell that Fritz likes jamu (traditional herbs). Everyday when mbak jamu came, he must go outside to see her. Of course I have to buy it as he insists to drink it. I usually order beras kencur and for few days I asked her to put temulawak on it. Temulawak has known as a traditional herb for gaining someone's appetite. Hopefully, he wants to eat a lot after that...*cross my finger* ^^